Surprised by the Joyful Mysteries
They taught me how to say yes.
For years I fingered my rosary at night when I couldnt sleep, repeating my childhood prayers without thinking much about their meaning.Read More
“Something’s Lost and Must Be Found!”
Praying to St. Anthony of Padua
St. Anthony of Padua was a great Franciscan preacher from the Middle Ages, but he is most remembered as the finder of lost or stolen objects. Even today stories are told by people who recover lost articles following prayer for the intercession of St. Anthony. Read More
A Parent’s Best Helper
Leadings of the Spirit
My wife, Mary Lou, and I have raised seven children. We made many mistakes along the way, but fortunately nothing that we did wrong seems to have permanently damaged any of our sons or daughters. Read More
Friends Forever
Four ways to make your better half
your best friend
In the movie Fiddler on the Roof, Tevye asks his wife, Golde, Do you love me? She responds by listing some of the everyday services she performs for him. Read More
Surprised by the Joyful Mysteries - They taught me how to say Yes.
By: Beth Dotson Brown
For years I fingered my rosary at night when I couldnt sleep, repeating my childhood prayers without thinking much about their meaning.
I wasnt even fully aware of the mysteries I was supposed to be meditating on; I just wanted the mantra to lull me into slumber.
Then Mary started becoming more apparent in my life. There was no one spectacular sighting of the Blessed Mother; she just started showing up in prayers from friends, artwork I admired, and the new rosary my husband gave me. Assuming Jesus was trying to steer me to his mother, I delved more intentionally into what the rosary has to offer. From the start, the Joyful Mysteries became my favorite.
I didnt know it then, but this journey of discovery was a preparation. God was giving me a support that would sustain me through a challenging period —one in which suffering and creativity came together in a way I could never have expected. Here is what happened as I came to know the Joyful Mysteries in a deeper way.
The Annunciation of Our Lord. A few years ago, my husband drove me through the hills of his home county in Kentucky and to the motherhouse of the Sisters of Loretto. In the midst of the stately brick buildings and historic markers is the art gallery of world-renowned sculptress Sr. Jeanne Dueber. Her creations take visitors through the beatitudes, portrayals of the Holy Family, and the crucifixion.
Outside the gallery, her art surprises visitors as they walk the grounds and meander through sculptures in the yard or turn a corner and find another carving tucked between buildings. Thats where I discovered a sculpture named The Fiat. It depicts a young woman gracefully reaching heavenward, her arms open wide, inviting into her life whatever it is God has in store for her. Her entire body is poised to receive, humbly accepting Gods request.
I wanted to open myself that freely to embrace Gods will, so I bought a postcard of The Fiat and put it on my desk as a reminder. When I begin to meditate on the annunciation, thats the picture I hold in my mind. What a perfect prayer to begin the rosary with—to ask to be open, as Mary was.
This prayer was especially helpful when, at the age of forty-two, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Was God simply inviting me to deeper trust, I wondered, or was I being called to something else as well?
The Visitation. One of my favorite scenes in the movie The Nativity Story is the young Marys visit with Elizabeth. Two women are encountering unexpected happenings in their lives—blessed events, but not without their difficulties.
For many of us, the blessing and the challenge come together. In my case, the very same month I was diagnosed with cancer, I received an opportunity to write my first book. I was baffled. Could I actually write a book while going through chemotherapy? Is that what God was calling me to?
When these sorts of questions arise, I seek silent prayer time for discernment. Discussion with spiritual friends also helps. Thats what the intimate sharing between Mary and Elizabeth reminds me of.
I didnt have to go through my cancer diagnosis alone. I shared it with my husband, my family, and my prayer group—three women Ive been meeting with for more than sixteen years. The four of us have shared our struggles, our prayers, our moments of feeling close to God as well as feeling very far away. And in that time together, we are strengthened to go out into the world and be better representatives of Christ. We receive the resources to fulfill our mission—be it teaching a class, comforting a person in pain, or taking a meal to someone in need.
As I went through chemotherapy, my prayer partners journeyed with me. They provided cold food when that was all I could eat, flowers to cheer me, conversation to boost my spirits—and always, prayers to keep me going.
The Nativity of Jesus. After we open ourselves and spend time discerning Gods call, the message we are carrying is born into the world. Here, too, I think of Mary. She knew that God was calling her to give birth to Jesus, but she didnt know all the consequences. On that day of joy, how could she foresee that her beloved son would win our salvation by dying on a cross? Sometimes what God calls us to is more difficult than we think we can endure.
As I discovered, saying yes to that writing project didnt ensure that the words would flow like magic. The book is based on interviews with people about their faith, so I had to begin by doing some talking. During my first months of chemotherapy, however, my throat became sore and infected. I couldnt eat solid food, so I sipped broths and drank liquids used to hydrate infants. Sometimes I had to refrain from talking at all.
On one of those days when I was feeling that no one could relate to my pain, I managed to interview Bill Gullickson, a former major league baseball player. I knew he had encountered some medical problems, but I didnt know the details. My voice recovered enough to ask a few questions, but I spent most of my time listening. His story turned out to be precisely what I needed to hear.
I learned that after retiring, Bill had undergone surgery that left him unable to eat except through a feeding tube. He had lost some of his physical abilities and pleasures, yet he was still praising God and loving life. In fact, he took his losses as an opportunity to delve deeper into his faith.
That message carried me through my months of physical challenges and helped me to grow in faith. The book was coming to life, being born, and it had a purpose: Surely, if I needed to hear the stories, others would, too.
The Presentation of Jesus in the Temple. I love to think about the young family going to the Temple. They were doing their duty, fulfilling a tradition and law, when a stranger, Simeon, became part of their story. He proclaimed the child Jesus to be the salvation God had promised, a light for the people.
Simeons declaration reminds me that there are people who are waiting for us to fulfill our calling. When each of us does the work we were created for, it builds the kingdom of God. And sometimes, even if only in a fleeting moment, we get to see how our message and life can affect another human being.
As a writer, Im blessed by readers who say that something I have written affects them. But I suspect that an equally important part of my work is interviewing—asking people to share something of their life experiences and truly listening to what they say.
Finding Jesus in the Temple. Im sure some rosary fans are able to reflect on finding Jesus in the Temple, but what always strikes me most deeply is the losing part. I think thats because Im human; sometimes I get lost. As much as I want to please God and fulfill the mission he has given me, Im also flawed. I wander away. I forget the message Im supposed to be carrying and communicating.
Certainly there were times, during those months of chemotherapy and radiation, when I wandered in a dense fog that obscured everything but the immediate task. Mary and Joseph must have felt a similar sense of loss as they searched for their child, yet they maintained faith in God and worked through the anxiety to recover their son.
Throughout my difficult months, I tried to imitate them by often reminding myself that God is good. My book project demonstrated that sentiment, no matter how lost I felt. I hauled my laptop into the chemotherapy lab and wrote as the drugs dripped into my system. In the radiation lab, I lay on the table telling the therapists about my latest interview. When the final treatment was complete, I had also completed the last interview.
In the final decade of the Joyful Mysteries, Mary and Joseph find Jesus, who is questioning and learning. As my months of researching, interviewing, and writing drew to a close, I sensed that I, too, had grown through my journey of faith. It gave me time to ponder my purpose, while I searched for a return to health and the completion of a project. It was a chance to learn more about how to live a Christian life. Especially, it was an extended meeting with Mary, whose friendship and example now strengthen me in a deeper way than ever.
And the journey is not over! For me, as for each of us, there are more mysteries to explore, more stories to hear, and more invitations to say yes to God.
Beth Dotson Brown is a free-lance writer, editor, and breast cancer survivor.
The reason for invoking St. Anthonys help stems from an incident in the saints life. Anthony had a book of psalms that he cherished. Any book before the invention of the printing press was of great value, but this one also included the notes he used when he taught students in the Franciscan Order. A novice who had grown weary of the religious life decided to leave the community, and on the way out he took Anthonys book of psalms. When the future saint noticed that his book was missing, he prayed that it would be found and returned to him. After this prayer the novice returned the book to Anthony and also returned to the order.
Anthony was born Ferdinand de Bulhoes in 1195 in Lisbon, Portugal. He was the son of a knight who served in the court of King Alfonso II of Portugal. As a boy he studied under the priests of the Lisbon cathedral. When he was fifteen, he entered an Augustinian monastery, where he was educated. He was ordained an Augustinian priest in 1219. A year or so later, he met some Franciscan missionaries on their way to Morocco to preach to the Muslims. The friars were later martyred, which so inspired Anthony that he asked permission to transfer to the Franciscan Order. It was granted, so he took the name Anthony and set off for Morocco to be a missionary. He returned the following spring because of health problems. His ship, which had been headed to Portugal, was caught in a storm so he ended up in Italy.
Anthony was assigned to work in a kitchen in St. Pauls Monastery near Forli. One evening he was called to give an extemporaneous sermon. His preaching was so powerful that he was sent to preach all over Italy. His sermons attracted huge crowds, and soon he spent all his time preaching. In 1226 he moved to Padua. He reformed the city by attacking corruption wherever he saw it. He did all he could for the poor, struggled to abolish debtors prisons, and engaged in dialogue with those opposed to orthodox Christianity, frequently winning them over.
In 1231 Anthony became seriously ill and died on June 13. He was just thirty-six years old. Anthony was canonized the following year, and in 1946 he was declared a doctor of the Church by Pope Pius XII.
St. Anthony of Padua was a great Franciscan preacher from the Middle Ages, but he is most remembered as the finder of lost or stolen objects. Even today stories are told by people who recover lost articles following prayer for the intercession of St. Anthony.
We also did some things right. Some good parenting practices came naturally. For example, we taught the kids the difference between right and wrong and showed them the importance of living out the two great commandments of loving God and others.
But for many decisions and family policies, we followed wisdom that we did not derive from our own resources. For example, when one of my sons reached adolescence and began to test his limits, I held him to very high standards in every area—eating habits, manners, dress, neatness, schoolwork, morality—you name it. You are all over him for everything, a friend told me. If you dont back off, you are going to push him into real rebellion.
You might say that this advice was just good common sense. But in this case, I believe it was wisdom from the highest possible source—the Holy Spirit. For wisdom, which is practical advice for good living, is one of the main gifts the Spirit offers us.
From very early in our marriage, I have prayed daily to the Holy Spirit for help in caring for my family, and I can tell you that it works! Following a traditional formula, I pray:
Come, Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful, and enkindle in them the fire of your love.
Send forth your Spirit, and they shall be created; and you shall renew the face of the earth.
O God, who by the light of the Holy Spirit instructs the hearts of the faithful, grant that by the same Spirit we may be truly wise and ever rejoice in his consolation, through Christ our Lord. Amen
I believe that the Holy Spirit prompted my friend to warn me to take the pressure off my son. As I reflected on his advice, I also experienced the Spirit teaching me to hold my son to the highest standard in morality but to allow him plenty of slack in less important areas. So I stopped nagging him about his room and his dress. And this was the consolation I could rejoice in: my relationship with my son improved significantly.
God sends us the Holy Spirit to give us wisdom and guidance for our lives. If we listen attentively, we will hear him speaking to us—not audibly, as sometimes happened with great saints, but we will hear him in our thoughts or through the wisdom of a trusted friend. And we will also hear him in our desires.
This is taken from Everyday Encounters with God, by Benedict Groeschel, CFR, and Bert Ghezzi.
A Parents Best Helper
My wife, Mary, and I have raised seven children. We made many mistakes along the way, but fortunately nothing that we did wrong seems to have permanently damaged any of our sons or daughters.
In the movie Fiddler on the Roof, Tevye asks his wife, Golde, Do you love me? She responds by listing some of the everyday services she performs for him. Indirectly, she is telling him that married love is intricately related to darning socks, washing clothes, and the countless other ordinary ways in which a husband and wife serve each other.
Golde has a point. Hands-on service that gets a job done is a critical part of marriage. Without it, the sweetest words of love ring hollow. On the other hand, married love is not just a matter of functional behavior.
Married love is a partnership where two people become as one flesh. They freely choose to live in common. They agree, at least in principle, to put each others needs and wants above their own—to lay down their lives for each other. In short, the total picture of married love includes positive affections and emotions that go far beyond the functional.
Isnt it good to see married couples who display this mutual warmth and fondness? When I observe how they enjoy each others company, I feel their joy! They relate as friends, though in ways that can vary widely from couple to couple, depending on their personalities and personal style. And while their friendship may not be the most foundational aspect of their marriage, you can see that it give them zest to fulfill the vows they made when they said, I do.
Because it is part of a total communion of life and love, married friendship has a special flavor. It is uniquely intimate. It also has a natural center. What I mean is this. Friends tend to come together around common goals and interests, like sports, music, or travel. But whether or not a husband and wife have shared interests like these, they already share major life goals. They want their familys good. They want one anothers good—especially the highest good of growing in virtue and love of God. This is a foundation for the deepest of friendships!
Are you and your spouse building on this foundation? Have you discovered the power and the joy of married friendship? Are there things you could do to improve or reinvigorate your friendship? Here are four simple suggestions that I find helpful in my own marriage.
1. Prioritize spending time together. It takes time to build a friendship. And yet, in this fast-paced world, there never seems to be enough time. Sad as it is, when life gets busy, time with our spouse tends to take a back seat to things like work, kids, personal fitness, recreation, and even television. Studies show that most couples think they dont spend enough time having fun together, or even discussing important issues concerning marriage and family life. Yet married couples, on average, watch three hours of television per night!
Time is like money. It needs to be managed. So especially if youre feeling a time crunch, take a moment and list out on paper exactly where your time is going. Then, try to set some priorities—after all, where you spend your time is a statement about your priorities.
Of course, its necessary to budget time for work, children, and everything else that goes into living. Still, Id venture a guess that a careful examination of your time expenditures will reveal where you can cut out some less important things and open up some slots for friendship building with your spouse.
Spend these new-found times to sort out and discuss any issues you need to resolve. Do some fun things together—thats part of married friendship too!
2. Make every day special. Friends are very creative in finding day-in, day-out little ways to express their fondness for one another. By themselves, these little things are not going to hold a marriage together. This does not mean that they are unimportant. In fact, the little things smooth the way for the big things to be resolved, overcome, or accomplished more easily. Little things are the ingredients that make married friendship extra-special.
Get into the habit of doing some little things to deepen your friendship with your spouse. Never miss one day! Here are some simple suggestions: Open a door. Get him or her a drink of water. Take a walk together. Say, I love you. Whenever one of you returns home from somewhere, stop what youre doing and greet one another. Call just to say hi. Leave an affectionate note. Bring home flowers or a dessert. Kiss your spouse each morning and evening, and then again before you go to bed.
Little things like these connect spouses when theyre apart during the day and reconnect them when they come together at night. They make special moments in a marriage—and they go a long way toward helping spouses relate as best friends.
3. Listen to one another. During their first year of marriage, Mary talked and John listened. During their second year, John talked and Mary listened. In their third year, they both talked and neither listened. We laugh, but unfortunately, theres a ring of truth in this joke.
Friendship means having an open ear to each others dreams, hopes, and struggles. It means continuing to learn about your spouse through attentive listening. Everyone deserves to be respected and heard. Cutting a person off in midstream, or even before they have started to talk, is rude and wrong. When we do it to our spouse, our best friend, its even more insulting. In marriage, we make ourselves vulnerable and transparent to one another; we lift the veil of self-protection. When we mentally shut one another off or make some dismissive non-verbal gestures, then, we are wounding our married friendship. We are also violating one of Gods greatest commands: You shall love your neighbor as yourself (Galatians 5:14).
Best friends attentively listen to each other because they love each other. In this sense, communication is more than simply taking turns to express viewpoints and make comments, to convince and influence. It demands loving, respectful attention that includes thoughtful consideration for what is being said, as well as an honest and caring response.
4. Reclaim the passion! Friends like being together. Friends who are married to one another want to be together always and to share their dreams, values, and commitment. People get married because they enjoy, appreciate, and esteem each another—and passionately so! Ironically, though, after the wedding these feelings of passion and excitement often evaporate.
How can you sustain this special element of marital friendship—of wanting to be alone with your spouse? Try thinking back to your courtship and early years of marriage. Can you remember the excitement and the joy you felt when you were together? Can you recall looking forward all week to your next date with your beloved? Remember your light-hearted conversation? The way you laughed and held hands? Can you remember the way it used to be?
Im not suggesting that we try to bring back the times when we were younger and less mature. But memories like this can move us to do some things to rekindle the spark in our marriage. We can plan to go out together for special dates. These dont have to be expensive. A fun, romantic date can be very cheap, or even free.
Do you and your spouse go out together sometimes? How often? Do you laugh and have fun on those occasions? Do you ever plan ahead for your times out together? Do you get dressed up? Do you look forward to your dates with anticipation? Are you able to leave your problems at home, or do they come along? How easy is it for you to tell your spouse, I love you, or I appreciate you, or Youre wonderful? In marriage, friendship and the fires of romance go hand in hand.
You Can Do It! Its no secret that many marriages are in crisis today. The pressures of our fast-paced, get ahead lifestyle leave all too many couples short of time and energy for one another. Over time, this kind of neglect can strain and cripple a marriage. Dont let this happen to you. Take a preventive approach, and make it your goal to be best friends with your spouse.
Married couples who enjoy each others friendship infuse their marriage with an extra supply of love. This love will draw you to make time for each other and to show forbearance when inevitable mistakes and weaknesses appear (1 Peter 4:8). Your friendship will support you through the trials of life and will lead you to fall in love with your spouse over and over again.
Aristotle said that a friend is a single soul in two bodies. Nowhere is this simple phrase more true than in marriage. With Gods help and blessing, you can make it true in yours.
